What rules my heart?

A quick update that I am now 6 months preggo! WHOA! I can't believe it and I will try to get a couple belly pics up here soon. I must also make a disclaimer that none of the below may make sense to you, I hope it does but my mind/heart was mixing these very seeemingly different ideas. It made sense to me but may have come out all jumbled, so sorry if that is the way it seems!


Last Sunday, John Henderson taught at church and he said one of those statements that just sits on you and doesn't go away: "What rules your heart, rules your life". The next night at our home group, of course John Wright calls us out on it and asks us to think about that this week and be ready to tell everyone what rules our life, which means what rules our heart.
I've been haunted by that question all week because I know what rules my heart is definitely not always my Lord and Savior. I am not sure what it is exactly. I know the answer is there, i just need to find it, and that is hard when you don't stop very often to sit and listen to the Lord or think about what is in your heart. I get so busy with the everyday, with what I need right now, with what I feel like doing, with John, the house, with teaching, the list goes on because there is always something to lure me away from sitting quietly before the Lord...
I got up early this morning to clean the house before church. I got ready and had my keys in hand when I just felt a need to stay. Do I start planning my lessons for the week, dust & vacuum, OR sit and listen to the Lord, read & pray?
I ended up opening my computer and went to the first Blog on my list of blogs I like: " A Holy Experience". This woman has a way of writing that just makes me start to think and really causes me to think about the Lord and my heart towards him.
I read her blog from Friday (pause and go read it) and it just pointed out my sin, my lack of consistency that is driven by my selfishness (or pride that causes me to think I deserve whatever it is I want). I choose not to have daily "ceremonies" or rituals because I am weak, I want to choose what I want. I choose not to spend time quietly before the Lord because i want to do something else, that seems more exciting. She is right, the word is true- my flesh is weak, and if I want what, deep down I really want, which is HIM I have to depend on and ask for his strength.
So....maybe what rules my heart is my pride by way of my emotions and feelings...
Do we need to embrace rituals and "ceremony" just like the Lord does everyday when he calls the Sun up and the tide in? Do we need to plead with the Father just like the Lord does on our behalf?

The Village Worship Blog

John and the 2 other worship Pastors, Michael Bleecker and Isaac Wimberly have started a worship blog called Sound Doctorine. It is on the churches website. They have posted some great stuff; I would encourage you to go read. John just did a great 2 part post on how we should be worshipping. It was very encouraging! Check it out here.

Sin Boulders

ok, I hope I am not starting a habit. This is only the 2nd "re-post" I have linked of this ladies blog but I am often moved deeply by the way she writes and more importantly the content of it.
Beau spoke this morning of feeling the weight of "The Fall" and our personal sin. Something I have been working through lately. I love the picture she gives us here and think it is amazing that she lives in the reality of that world. Sometimes I wish that we lived like her family because life seems slower and less full of stuff. Anyhow, click here to read!! Enjoy - and add her to your blogroll!

Do you want to be your idols?

I really felt prompted to open my Bible and read all of Psalm 115 after Matt referred to it last night. He was just referring to verse 1,

"Not to us, Oh Lord, Not to us, but to your name give glory; for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness"

Sounds encouraging, right. I always want to give glory to his name, right? In theory I do. But in my day to day actions do I? I think that is why I love that scripture and song so much because I am trying to convince myself that I do, my mind is recognizing that I really do want to but it also sees the discrepancy between my heart's desires and what my flesh acts out on. Keep reading...

Their idols are silver and gold,
the work of human hands.
⁵They have mouths, but do not speak;
eyes, but do not see.
⁶They have ears, but do not hear;
noses, but do not smell.
⁷They have hands, but do not feel;
feet, but do not walk;
and they do not make a sound in their throat.
⁸ Those who make them become like them;
so do all who trust in them.


Wow! I will become like my idols! If I keep making idols of myself, my husband, perfectionism, family, home, etc I will become like them- no voice to speak, no eyes to see miracles, to see the spirit work, no ears to hear the spirit, no way to 'feel' or walk out the freedoms I have in the Lord, no ears to hear wisdom and learn, no "sound" to sing and give praises to the Lord. That weight hit me last night. I don't want to be dead, I want life, freedom- not to be lifeless!

This was a beautiful weight for me because for so long I have had a hard time really knowing what my sin was therefore I couldn't recognize the daily grace that the Lord generously gives to me, nor was I accepting it when I did know that I needed it.

Several months ago, maybe a year, I began asking the Lord to show me my sin**, because I didn't see it but knew it was there. He opened my eyes and my heart and I felt like last night was just a culmination of this. I read the Psalms and just felt heavy. Then we sang "Grace Greater than Our Sin". The two go hand in hand. I have to have His grace because I am up a creek with out it (to put it lightly). That song just brought me to tears. It is His grace that He is showing me my sin, and it is His grace that forgives that same sin. It's His grace that separates me from my sin, he literally removes my sin from me. John taught me about expiation a few months ago and it was enlightening! Not only did the cross provide propitiation which is where the wrath that I deserve it put on someone else (Jesus) but the cross also provided expiation, where my sin is taken away from me, removed forever! Thank you, our Great God!


** I grew up where sin was some big moral failure, some big easy to see struggle or sin- so it has taken so many years to really see my sin, day to day, maybe not what the world would see as sin but things that the Lord constantly calls out- pride,selfishness, dishonor, disprespect,etc...

The Seedbed

I was given the link to this blog for another reason but when I went I found this post. I am not a huge poetry person but this was incredibly moving and challenging to me. For some reason the Lord has given me a heart for the family unit and each part within that unit. I feel that our society has diminished the weight and importance of parenting.
I think she has given us a glimpse of what it should, what the Lord intends it to be and puts some meaning back into it. It is a huge job and holds way more weight than this society allows it. Click here to read! Take your time and even re-read it- I just loved it.

learning new things

So tonight has been a night of learning for me...which is giving my husband a lot of entertainment! Two things I learned tonight:

1. Wrestling isn't real, its all choreographed. Who knew?
2. The White House isn't the Capitol Building. (I am a little embarrassed that I didn't know this)
I feel like I might fail one of those Jay Leno "Jay Walking" segments.

Please comment and let me know if you knew these things.

We are going to D.C. in August with some friends so hopefully I will come away much smarter, I am teaching 2nd graders after all.

Is God Green? and Earth Hour

Is God Green?

This Friday is an event that our church (my hubby) has been working on for awhile and I am very excited about it. It is called "Is God Green" and we will be hearing from Dr. Timothy Pierce about how to think Christianly about the environment.

Earth Hour

Also, to make the weekend even more green, I am looking forward to participating in Earth Hour on Saturday night in which everyone turns their lights out at 8:30 local time. For those of you who are teachers there are also some worksheets available online.

Hope you all will join me in both events!!