Sunday, August 30, 2009

What rules my heart?

A quick update that I am now 6 months preggo! WHOA! I can't believe it and I will try to get a couple belly pics up here soon. I must also make a disclaimer that none of the below may make sense to you, I hope it does but my mind/heart was mixing these very seeemingly different ideas. It made sense to me but may have come out all jumbled, so sorry if that is the way it seems!

Last Sunday, John Henderson taught at church and he said one of those statements that just sits on you and doesn't go away: "What rules your heart, rules your life". The next night at our home group, of course John Wright calls us out on it and asks us to think about that this week and be ready to tell everyone what rules our life, which means what rules our heart.
I've been haunted by that question all week because I know what rules my heart is definitely not always my Lord and Savior. I am not sure what it is exactly. I know the answer is there, i just need to find it, and that is hard when you don't stop very often to sit and listen to the Lord or think about what is in your heart. I get so busy with the everyday, with what I need right now, with what I feel like doing, with John, the house, with teaching, the list goes on because there is always something to lure me away from sitting quietly before the Lord...
I got up early this morning to clean the house before church. I got ready and had my keys in hand when I just felt a need to stay. Do I start planning my lessons for the week, dust & vacuum, OR sit and listen to the Lord, read & pray?
I ended up opening my computer and went to the first Blog on my list of blogs I like: " A Holy Experience". This woman has a way of writing that just makes me start to think and really causes me to think about the Lord and my heart towards him.
I read her blog from Friday (pause and go read it) and it just pointed out my sin, my lack of consistency that is driven by my selfishness (or pride that causes me to think I deserve whatever it is I want). I choose not to have daily "ceremonies" or rituals because I am weak, I want to choose what I want. I choose not to spend time quietly before the Lord because i want to do something else, that seems more exciting. She is right, the word is true- my flesh is weak, and if I want what, deep down I really want, which is HIM I have to depend on and ask for his strength.
So....maybe what rules my heart is my pride by way of my emotions and feelings...
Do we need to embrace rituals and "ceremony" just like the Lord does everyday when he calls the Sun up and the tide in? Do we need to plead with the Father just like the Lord does on our behalf?