Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Do you want to be your idols?

I really felt prompted to open my Bible and read all of Psalm 115 after Matt referred to it last night. He was just referring to verse 1,
"Not to us, Oh Lord, Not to us, but to your name give glory; for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness"

Sounds encouraging, right. I always want to give glory to his name, right? In theory I do. But in my day to day actions do I? I think that is why I love that scripture and song so much because I am trying to convince myself that I do, my mind is recognizing that I really do want to but it also sees the discrepancy between my heart's desires and what my flesh acts out on. Keep reading...
Their idols are silver and gold,
the work of human hands.
5They have mouths, but do not speak;
eyes, but do not see.
6They have ears, but do not hear;
noses, but do not smell.
7They have hands, but do not feel;
feet, but do not walk;
and they do not make a sound in their throat.
8 Those who make them become like them;
so do all who trust in them.

Wow! I will become like my idols! If I keep making idols of myself, my husband, perfectionism, family, home, etc I will become like them- no voice to speak, no eyes to see miracles, to see the spirit work, no ears to hear the spirit, no way to 'feel' or walk out the freedoms I have in the Lord, no ears to hear wisdom and learn, no "sound" to sing and give praises to the Lord. That weight hit me last night. I don't want to be dead, I want life, freedom- not to be lifeless!

This was a beautiful weight for me because for so long I have had a hard time really knowing what my sin was therefore I couldn't recognize the daily grace that the Lord generously gives to me, nor was I accepting it when I did know that I needed it.

Several months ago, maybe a year, I began asking the Lord to show me my sin**, because I didn't see it but knew it was there. He opened my eyes and my heart and I felt like last night was just a culmination of this. I read the Psalms and just felt heavy. Then we sang "Grace Greater than Our Sin". The two go hand in hand. I have to have His grace because I am up a creek with out it (to put it lightly). That song just brought me to tears. It is His grace that He is showing me my sin, and it is His grace that forgives that same sin. It's His grace that separates me from my sin, he literally removes my sin from me. John taught me about expiation a few months ago and it was enlightening! Not only did the cross provide propitiation which is where the wrath that I deserve it put on someone else (Jesus) but the cross also provided expiation, where my sin is taken away from me, removed forever! Thank you, our Great God!

** I grew up where sin was some big moral failure, some big easy to see struggle or sin- so it has taken so many years to really see my sin, day to day, maybe not what the world would see as sin but things that the Lord constantly calls out- pride,selfishness, dishonor, disprespect,etc...


Kelsey Schneider said...

RIGHT where I am - thanks for posting this!

Remenak Family said...

Great Post!Thank you so much for posting it, thank you for your honesty, and your vulnerability. It was such a good reminder of how easily I make idols.

Elaine said...

This was really encouraging for me Nat! Thanks for sharing your insights with all of us. God speaks through community, and he's using your lessons to teach us as well.
I really miss you.

The Rozell Family said...

they are having a festival this weekend at het lavendar farm. Do ya'll want to go? are ya'll in town this weekend?