Rest

I have found myself very anxious today and having trouble doing anything! My mind is elsewhere. I thought about Olivia much of the day! I thought a lot about how I said goodbye but that she is still alive. I have had lots of talks with the Lord today about how my desire is for him to heal Olivia. It really is my hope and desire!
I also found that I am tired, spritually and mentally! I feel like I have nothing to give. That is hard for me! Its also interesting ( or sovereign) that John is out of town this week. I feel like I need him so bad right now but I believe with all my heart that the Lord is just using this time to draw me to himself. While it is not bad for me to want my husband to comfort me and to be here to hold me I also believe that the Lord is so much more satisfying and He longs for me more than my husband. Jesus is just waiting for me to ask him to hold me and comfort me! I am reminded of Genesis 3:16 where it says my desire will be for my husband ( this is a part of the curse from eating the apple) and I think it is saying that we as women will desire our husbands over our Creator. This is a curse because our Creator will NEVER fail us, he will always comfort us and lead us to himself! Our husbands, even when they are perfect they will not fill us like the Lord can! Why would we choose them over God?
As I am tired and have nothing to give I will find encouragement in this

5For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my
hope is from him.6 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not
be shaken.7On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is
God.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.
Psalm 62:5-8