Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Saying goodbye


I am sitting on a plane writing this right now. I just left Phoenix. I had to say bye to Olivia earlier today. I actually said “see you soon” because I really will see her soon. I will see her in heaven. I can’t wait! This was quite possibly the hardest day and ½ in my life. I have never had to say goodbye to someone. I have never seen someone close to me dying and in so much pain. I am so glad that Sam, Marisa and Shana and I were together. We supported each other, cried together, laughed together, prayed and sang together. We are still praying for our Creator to heal Liv! We know that he can do it! We believe that he can! The question I asked myself as we were on our way to see her on Sunday was “do I believe that he will?” I know that he can and would but will he? I don’t know. And I don’t know if I am supposed to know that. Our God has such bigger, deeper, richer thoughts and knowledge than I! His way of healing her may be taking her home. I also reminded myself that she is not ours to keep. She belongs to HIM! Praise that Lord that she does belong to HIM. That doesn’t make this process any easier or less confusing though. Ruth, Olivia’s mom, was talking to us and told us something that Liv had said years ago. She said “Just because I am crying doesn’t mean I am not trusting the Lord” and that is how I feel. I trust the Lord and I do believe him but I sure do still mourn for the friend that I am losing, that we are losing!
I wish everyone could meet liv!!! Those of you that know her know what I mean. She has this way of loving you for you and making the newest person she has meets feel a part. She has this smile that just grabs you and brings joy. Even as she was laying in bed and didn’t have the energy to smile, I could see it! I could see that smile and it made me smile right back at her!

I will never forget this past day and half! 4 friends sitting in a room with a friend in tremendous pain yet tremendous excitement to go home, real home, and see her maker, her father, her lover. She was ready. I don’t know when she will go, or who knows, God can still heal her! He can! We had so much fun just sitting in her room while she lay in bed. She couldn’t move and couldn’t eat, she couldn’t even talk very well but when she did it was so great! She was her usual self, just a bit “dryer” but she was making jokes and making us laugh like usual!
This is all very tough and confusing but I know that that I can find my hope in the fact that our God is good and faithful! We will see His glory through this!

3 comments:

Jessica Traffas said...

Natalee, you are such an inspiration. All of us here in Lake O miss you and would give you a huge hug if we could!!!

*J*

Peggy Houck said...

Natalee,
I was touched by reading your blog. You express your heart so well. I can feel your love for your friend. Clancy have been immersed with situations with friends in great need of healing or heavy troubles. The Lord reminded me of the passage in Daniel 3:17-18--the fiery furnace story. Daniel and his friends were trusting God and proclaimed that the God we serve is able to save us--but even if He does not....That wasn't a lack of faith statement--and God did rescue them in the natural. God hears you Natalee...you are just putting the outcome into His hands. You are so precious and we love you so much! In Christ, Peggy & Clancy too!

Peggy Houck said...

Natalee,
I was touched by reading your blog. You express your heart so well. I can feel your love for your friend. Clancy have been immersed with situations with friends in great need of healing or heavy troubles. The Lord reminded me of the passage in Daniel 3:17-18--the fiery furnace story. Daniel and his friends were trusting God and proclaimed that the God we serve is able to save us--but even if He does not....That wasn't a lack of faith statement--and God did rescue them in the natural. God hears you Natalee...you are just putting the outcome into His hands. You are so precious and we love you so much! In Christ, Peggy & Clancy too!