Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Teaching and Fear

So I subbed on Tuesday, for a 2nd grade class. It had been a few years since I had done any sub work...it was a challenge for me! It was challenging in part because I love calm , organized rooms and this wasn't. I work best when things are organized and this teacher, who I know is amazing, just isn't or didn't seem organized to me. I mean she had all her lesson plans pretty organized but not her room and that will be a must for my classroom.
I think the most challenging thing for me was and still is all the thoughts going on in my head. The first thing when I started reading the lesson plans was " crap, when I'm a teacher I will have to create and get all this ready". That scares me, I don't know why and I don't want it to! I struggle with a lot of fear and since college I have battled this fear of "what if I can't cut it as a teacher"- they have so much responsibility and there really is a lot of work. And I 'll be honest, I am a procrastinator, some of you know that. I know that I will have to have extra discipline to not be like this when I teach or I will go nuts. Its funny that I am such a procrastinator, both with work/projects and my time ( i'm that person who is always 5-10 min late), yet it stresses me out when I am like this. I do feel like I am making improvement in this area though!

I left school yesterday going " ok, I can finish getting my certification but maybe I can just convince John to let us start trying to have babies now"...I'm sure you all can guess how that conversation went...ha! Not great for me. Despite John turning my idea down he was very encouraging. He knows my fears and he is great at helping me to stop beleiving the lies of the enemy that say I can't be a good teacher. He prayed with me this morning and I just have to remember how all of this unfolded and the reason I am getting my teacher certification is because the Lord literally pushed me into it! I am so glad I am so confident that HE has provided this road, otherwise I am sure I would have taken a turn by now.
You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Psalm 16:11

I feel like this verse is very common but a path is the best way I can describe what the Lord has put me on to get my teacher certification. I mean HE literally put this in my lap, and couldn't' have made it easier! I know He will provide me with everything I need to do well including His grace and His joy!
That being said I will throw off this fear, which the enemy is trying to hold me captive with, and keep running , I will not be afraid and I will keep on this path that the Lord has made for me.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1

Thanks for reading this mess of a blog and feel free to call me out if after tomorrow I am ready to convince John to make babies immediately again.

Hope you all have a great day! Lots of love!

P.S. I was going to write the explicit quote of one of my 2nd graders but just deleted it thinking it was too inappropriate for even this! ;-)

3 comments:

Xanwater ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ said...

I can totally relate to what you're saying, as I prepare to become a children's librarian, and I'm wondering, "How am I gonna do this?!" Let's be courageous together! :) On another note, today I found a picture of you and John and it made me miss you more!

The Andujar's said...

Hey Natalee! Thanks for keeping me company today in Denton while I waited for Virgle :) Oh, and thanks for sharing popcorn with me too. We should hang out together sometime; us and the hubbies!

Chris Anna said...

Natalee, you are going to be an AMAZING teacher! Your kind heart, your PATIENCE, your love for others, your love for JESUS, are all ways that you are prepared for a classroom. Kiddo's need a daily example like you in their life. Be encouraged, friend!